Good communication is key to a good working relationship. Here are some tips for communicating with your personal assistant in a positive way.

If your disability affects how you communicate, be sure to explain this to your personal assistant and teach him or her how you like to communicate, and how they should communicate with you. This website has a Worker Info Sheet on “Building a good working relationship” [hyperlink] that might be helpful for your personal assistant to review.

Effective Communication

1. CLARITY
   Explain HOW and WHY you want something done instead of just saying what you want done. This will help your worker to do the task the way you like to have it done. It will also help them understand how important it is to you.
2. LISTEN
   Listen carefully! Your workers may not listen to you unless they feel you are willing to listen them, too. By listening, you tell them you value their opinions and respect them. Listening is also the first step needed for solving problems or resolving conflicts.
3. “I” STATEMENTS
   Try to speak in “I” statements. For example, “I am upset because you were late for work today. I feel disrespected. I need you to be on time, can we talk about how to resolve this?” The pattern is: “I see/hear/feel (state the issue at hand). It makes me feel (state your feelings) I need (state a possible solution).”
4. BODY LANGUAGE
   Your face and gestures should show respect and interest in what the worker wants to tell you. Each culture has different customs. For example, some cultures value eye contact when speaking. Expect the same respectful body language from your worker.
5. FEELINGS
   Take responsibility for your own feelings and respect the feelings your workers show. Remember – people’s feelings are their own and no one can tell them they do not or should not feel a particular way.
6. ACCEPTANCE
   Remember to accept your workers as they are and be open to how they may change over time. Be respectful of a person’s right to be an individual rather than offering harsh and/or unjustified criticism.
7. CULTURE
   Sometimes, misunderstandings may come from cultural differences or language barriers. If your worker’s first language is different from yours, you may want to spend time translating key words and phrases. This will help you communicate with your worker on a daily basis as well as help them to be ready in an emergency.
8. OPEN COMMUNICATION
   Keep an open line of communication. Tell your worker you want to discuss any concerns they have or behaviors they might consider offensive or out of the ordinary. You may have cultural differences or personal preferences that seem unusual and need to be understood, such as the food you eat or its preparation.

Source: Adapted from materials prepared by the Public Authority for In-Home Supportive Services in Alameda County (California) (http://www.ac-pa4ihss.org/content/140.asp), which are based on an “Effective Communication for Consumers & Their Personal Assistants” hand-out prepared by Community Resources for Independent Living (CRIL).